


Doughnut Disaster

by Rainbowraptor



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, M/M, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowraptor/pseuds/Rainbowraptor
Summary: Just a quick stop at the weird, creepy bakery that has totally been in town for years. What could go wrong?
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	Doughnut Disaster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [syrupwit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrupwit/gifts).



> This is for Syrupwit who I got in our Discord's Secret Santa gift exchange. I really hope you get at least half the joy reading this as I did writing it!

For [Syrupwit](https://syrupwit.tumblr.com/)

* * *

"Get behind me Dibstink, I'll protect your soft fleshy meat body!" Zim hissed before launching himself at the huge beast. He heard his mate say something, probably how great Zim was and how amazing he looked from behind. Dib could be a slave to his pathetic human hormones, especially in the heat of battle.

Zim didn't blame Dib this time. His body looked top notch in these human garments. pink jeans and a purple hooded sweatshirt, both Zim had picked himself. Of course, it would be even better if Zim were free to tear off this brilliant yet confining disguise.

But, thanks to the Dib, the Dibsister, and her new mate, they were in the middle of this "authentic Mexican restaurant" and couldn't very well do that.

So Zim simply deployed his PAK legs, sharp and ready to dive deep into this Enchilada's eyes. When impaled, the hideous Chalupa screamed in agony and terror and- 

"It's called a Chupacabra!" Dib interrupted rudely. 

Zim frowned, narrowing his eyes. He'd glare at theDib, but unfortunately, their captor had decided to restrain them back to back. He turned his head as far as it could go, which was pretty far, and glared at the side of Dib's glasses and stubbled face.

"Hush Dibbeast, I'll telling this stupid mud duck how I fought bravely to defend your life!"

Dib snapped back his head and hit Zim's. It hurt a great deal because of the sheer size of the appendage and not due to any weakness on Zim's part. "That's not what happened at all!" Dib whined. "I jumped in front of YOU. I stabbed the Chupacabra with my butter knife!" He aimed another backwards headbutt at Zim, it connected, only because Zim was restrained and couldn't utilize his amazing Irken reflexes to avoid it. "And you didn't even tell them what Kat and Gaz did!"

Zim really wished his PAK was working correctly but this weird human lurking in the corner of the room was emitting an odd spooky aura. It forced both Dib and Zim to stand, back to back, rigid and unable to move. Stuck dealing with this demeaning situation, standing in the center of this cellar, exposed and trapped.

So instead of using a laser to singe Dib's stupid hair, Zim smacked the side of Dib's face with his tongue. 

"Ughhhhh!" Dib screamed.

"Lies filthy Earth-man!!!" Zim shouted through the geasy peanut taste of his Dib after his tounge had returned to his mouth. " Listen to Zim! After I stabbed the Carnita-"

"Oh come on, that one isn't even cl-" Dib began.

Zim slapped Dib with his tongue again. "Carnita, it lay down defeated, a victory for Zim, but right on top of our table and food so we left the "authentic Mexican restaurant to find another location for"-"

The man suddenly oozed from the corner to stand over them. Closer up, Zim could see whatever this thing was, it was definitely not, in fact, human. It was a strange colorless thin, stretched out being with no arms, a huge round, flat head with too many green teeth and holes for eyes. Its long neck had to crane down to face Zim with an eerie gaze. 

"Ehhh…." Zim started, words getting lost somewhere in his toes while his thoughts seemed to be swallowed in a haze or panic.

 **"No,"** whispered the thing, it's voice injected nausea into Zim's very skin. **"I don't want to know about the Chalupa."**

"Chupa-" Dib began, but was cut off by the thing's face suddenly being shoved into his own.

 **"NO!"** Screamed the beast, Zim got a blast of foul and hot breath. **"No, no, no! Tell me, who ate the Destiny Doughnut!?!"**

Zim kept himself from vomiting but screamed back, horrified. Maybe it was because of his PAK functions being limited, maybe it was because he was so concerned about his Dib saying something else not only stupid but so horribly mind droolingly dull that it got him, or worse, _Zim_ , murdered by this weird stick, plate faced _thing_ , but Zim couldn't control his fear.

Again, the being faced Zim but before he could find words again and speak, it smiled. **"Words, words, no. Your brain will tell me."**

Long colorless tendrils snaked from the thing's putrid mouth and stabbed into Zim's eyes, right through his contacts, straight through his implants, beyond his true eyeballs, and somewhere-

_Black. Everything went black._

_Nothing, nothing. He could think but feel nothing. Taste nothing. Understand nothing. It wasn't like his PAK had been struck with a power amplifier. This was nothing. Nothing! Nothing!_

_Nothing!_

_Deactivated! Deactivated! Screamed Zim._

Then, with a blinding green flash, Zim was in a sweet smelling place. A bakery. _The Bakery._ Zim remembered now, they had been driving, on the way to the restaurant, and Dib had seen the black windowless building.

"It's just odd," Dib explained, "the signs says bakery but it doesn't seem to be very barkerish. More like a place where'd you'd go to get a super Death Scythe. Wait, it's right next to the pet store. How'd I miss this?"

Zim finished his text to Gaz. "WE SHALL ARRIVE SHORTLY". "Your inferior eyes do doubt." He told Dib as he did so, but looked up at a sudden change of speed. "Wait, why are you slowing down? I thought we were weaning GIR off puppies?"

 **"No!"** _Screamed a voice and Zim was returned to the NOTHING, NOTHING, for what seemed to be for years._

**"Focus!!!!"**

_Returned!_

Inside the black building now, out of the blistering cold.

"Looks like a typical bakery." Muttered Dib, frowning.

There were the strange, glass shelves with baked goods on display. Elaborate cakes, breads dusted with powdered sugar, and so much more. Not one to be interested in human food stuffs, Zim examined the tiled floors and the various Earthen holiday decorations hanging from the ceiling. But what really caught his eye stood behind the center counter. There, a weirdly shaped, clean shaven round faced, thin old human smiled at Zim and Zim's Dib. 

"Ah, welcome. I’m Mr. Spoony. I've been waiting for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time for the both of you." This odd spoon shaped man eyed Zim with silvery green flecked eyes.

Of course he was addressing the superior lifeform in the room.

"This shop wasn't here before." Stated Dib.

"Obviously he opened during the time you were away making your collage." Zim said. "I recall it perfectly. I've been here a ton. Now, we may leave."

"It's called _college_ and no way you've been here-" Dib began but the odd human had leapt over the counter to stand before them.

Up close, and clearly visible, the Earthworm wore a black apron covered in red dust, some frosting, and a splash or two of something dark brown. Underneath, he was dressed in a gray and green pin-striped long-sleeved shirt and pants. Zim could see many wrinkles in the corners of his odd eyes and an unsettling green tint in their grin. His hair was a pale greenish color and his face was very round, cheeks puffed up as if he was one of GIR's squirrel friends. The human's arms seemed...well they were definitely attached but didn't act like they were apart of him or very useful. He kept them dangling by his side.

Like cursed noodle arms.

Zim wanted to leave.

He spoke."Welcome to my lovely, luscious, little shop. I’m so pleased you- "

"Enough!" Zim commanded. "We have somewhere to be but Dibfool just _needed_ to see what was in here, now we have a table to claim at Pinche Delicioso!" He turned on his heel to march towards the door.

The door that was no longer there.

Zim hissed and turned to glare at the man. "What did you do?!"

"Oh, you can't leave until you buy something I'm afraid." The odd man was leaning over Dib, yes, somehow this guy was taller than Zim's mate.

Dib stared stupidly at the shopkeep. "Hey, I know I've never seen this shop before, I would've known about an actual bakery. All we have are fast food restaurants and coffee places. Hell, we barely even have grocery stores. No, there's something weird going on, I can smell it."

The Spoony man's smile grew wider. "Nonsense, what you’re smelling are just my amazing creations!" He twisted, oddly, jerkily, and walked around to point a gloved finger at one glass counter filled with various green and red cupcakes. "I call these my Peppermint Poppers. They’re great! You should buy one!"

"Just give him the monnies so we may leave." Growled Zim. He’d have already done so but Dib held all the cash. 

Dib laughed. "No way, this place just reeks of something wrong." He pushed a finger into the man's face. Zim recognized that sneer. It was Dib’s paranoid sneer. "What's really going on old man? What are you hiding?"

Zim felt a burn of attraction and he was tempted to pounce on his husband in the middle of the shop.

The spoony man shockingly didn't seem to care much about Dib's filthy human digit. Instead, he contorted around and did an odd dive towards a red and white display that suddenly rose from the ground.

"This, now this! I know _this_ is what you desire. These tasty, moist, delicious, darkly dangerous chocolatey and 100% sawdust free, Destiny Doughnut!"

The man lurched over Dib with a white box holding something Zim couldn't see.

"A doughnut?" Dib's eyes grew wide at whatever was in the box then he frowned, that familiar and attractive paranoia turned up to full power. "What do they do? Specifically, will they kill us? Turn us inside out?"

"Silence!" Shouted Zim. "Show Zim the Destiny Doughnut!" He needed to see whatever Dib saw.

The box was suddenly thrust in Zim's face. The man bowed very, very low to the ground, impossibly low for a human spine. Inside, there sat a single doughnut. It appeared like any other disgusting kind of the human treat, a light tan circle with one single hole, covered with deep brown almost black stuff that Zim assumed was the chocolate frosting coating. On top, there was a coat of glitter star like sprinkles. Zim's feelers under his wig and other sensory processors could taste and smell the doughnut without Zim needing to even put the thing in his mouth. 

And Zim found it was…OK.

The man stood up to his full height right as Zim reached out a gloved hand to touch the simple pastry, snatching it away before he could.

"Well, do you want it? I only have one left and they’re my most popular of items." Mr. Spoony asked.

"What does this Destiny Doughnut do? With a name so amazing, it must be wonderful beyond compare." Zim raised an eyebrow as he shouted, "tell me!"

"It-" Mr. Spoony said.

"Tell me!" Zim shouted.

"It shows your-" Mr. Spoony tried again.

"Tell me!" Zim screamed.

Spoony’s eyes suddenly went wide and horrible but the smile never left. Zim fell silent as the man closed the box and twisted in that unsettling way. He jerked around to stalk back towards the counter, arms whipping around wildly about him as he did so. "Not for you then,” he said in a cheery voice, “not until you settle down."

"Come on, just tell us. Sorry, my husband can get really, um...emotional sometimes. We're kinda in a hurry too, we got to meet my sister and her girlfriend." Dib 

"Please, tell me, what does it do?" Zim broke in. "I've done the settling!"

The man flung himself around. "I wouldn't want you two to be late to meet Tak and Gaz. Ok, I'll tell you." He leaned in, smile somehow getting wider. "Why, it brings you toward your _Delicious_ _Delightfully Deserved_ _Destiny_ of course." As Spoony said the name, his happy voice went higher.

Dib stepped in front of Zim. "Aha! A magic doughnut, I knew it! This is a magic shop!" He pointed at a Peppermint Popper. "And I bet this like, what, gives you the power to... I don't know, have really, really good breath forever?"

"Maybe we should get that one." Zim muttered, "It would be nice to be rid of your filthy breath stench."

"Hey!" Dib shouted. "You had no problem with my breath stench-" he stopped. "How'd you know my sister's name? And wait…" Dib frowned. "My girlfriend's name isn't Tak, it's-"

"No!!!" The man said in a shrill tone. Zim's good antennae lashed in anger and pain at the sound. "the Destiny Doughnut is definitely, decidedly, delightfully yours." Interrupted the odd spoon man. He held up the box. "Take this, hold it. Keep it by your side and you shall receive whatever you desire, whatever you are destined for." 

"Wait." Dib frowned. "...We're just supposed to...carry this thing around if we want it to do uh, whatever it does? What if we smush it or something. Won’t it get frosting and sprinkles everywhere? Shouldn't we eat-?"

Mr. Spoony’s face lost its smile, his eyes went Void. "No, you shouldn't eat the Destiny Doughnut. To do so would be very, very, very, very, very, very, very fucking foolish."

Again, Zim wanted to leave as quickly as possible. 

_Now._

His spooch clenched, his PAK urged him to pick either fight or flight.

Flight.

"Bah, we don't need a Destiny Doughnut! Zim knows his destiny, it's to one day conquer the Earth and Dib's is clearly to be Zim's!" Zim barked. "Let's go Dibthing. We must go meet bestfriendGaz to evaluate the new girlfriend she has chosen." He pulled on Dib's hand but despite Zim's mighty Irken might. Dib remained in place.

"Hold on." Dib adjusted his glasses and Zim groaned. His mate was recording this weird old man for his dumb TV show. Those glasses were no doubt taking endless notes and this whole encounter would be recorded. "Explain a bit more for me, so, if one was to carry around the doughnut, said one would get their destiny? What does that mean exactly?"

The spoony man's smile was back. "Ahhhh, well, it means just what you said. You carry this Doughnut around, you will get your deserved destiny."

Dib nodded, so interested Zim was surprised he wasn't drooling.

"Fine!" Zim screamed. "If you'd rather stay here and eat your stupid magical sweetbreads, I'll go to the dinner myself! Without you! Let me out you cursed old man!" Zim turned to point at the doorless wall but there was already a door.

Zim left, angry, fuming, hissing to himself. He was tempted to take the car and just leave Dib to find his way out of the city himself. It would serve that crazy case obsessed human right. To have to walk all the way to the restaurant on the still snow covered sidewalks without Zim's top notch navigation skills to aid him…

Abruptly, Dib was out of the shop, looking furious. "What the hell? Why'd you leave like that?"

Zim rolled his eyes. "You looked pretty happy but _I_ was getting bored. Plus, your stench was too much for that small little shop." He eyed Dib, "Did you buy it? Should I expect you to leave now that you have a chance at your secret, special, amazeballs destiny?" 

"I didn't buy it." Dib said. Then a smile came across his face. "You didn’t leave because of my human stink! You were totally jealous!!" Dib laughed. "Zim, no, oh, Space Boy. Of course I didn't buy it. I told the guy I really just wanted to just chat for my show and he kicked me out." He looked back at the shop which was now just a bare, rather spooky looking alleyway. "Wow, how cliche." Dib scoffed.

Zim snarled. "Lies! I know you have the doughnut! The spoon man said you couldn't leave until you bought something! You probably put it in that huge stupid red jacket of yours!"

"You were the one who picked it out for me!" Dib rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Mr. Spoony made me by this instead." Dib took out a single little green and red bag, the words "Peppermint Popper" in glittery white letters scrolled on the front. "I want to take it back to our house later, analyze it." 

Zim eyed the bag with a frown.

Dib chuckled then bent down a little and wrapped Zim in a hug. “You’re my creepy-ass cockroach and I’m your genius human, remember? And, despite all your insults, I know better now. That doughnut probably would've turned me inside out anyway. I've learned that the universe doesn't like me all that much so fuck that."

Zim's antennae lashed under his wig. "Lying liar…"

Dib raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "Wanna search me?"

So, Zim carefully and thoroughly searched his husband's body for the Destiny Doughnut. He left his claws roam over Dibs legs, back, neck, and, when Zim and Dib started feeling the need to copulate, they moved to the car where Zim searched ...other places. Zim was happy that he'd helped bathe Dib before he left the house and, Zim admitted, that he found no stupid doughnut. 

**“Enough!”**

_Nothing, no, no, not nothing. Please, it's horrible. End the nothing. Just-_

Zim was back to back with his mate, panting, sweating. But back. His eye was in so much pain but at least it was _something_.

The monster, what Zim knew now had to be the spoony old man in its true form, stood. **"It wasn't you."** It hissed at Zim. Its neck elongated and snapped around to face Dib **. "And it wasn't you. You didn't even** **_buy_ ** **a Doughnut. My human meat puppet must have sold it after you left."** The Spoony Monster snarled. **"Ahhhh, how did he make such a stupid mistake."** It hissed. **"The vision guides us, guides us to make the choices to sustain us and the Fates of our world!"**

"Can we go now?" Zim asked. "My eye is leaking on this brand new hoodie and purple is my favorite color and I really, really don't care about your stupid evil plans. I've got better ones and-"

**"The Destiny Doughnut is one of our most important relics. When a person carries it, we receive the energy to exist!!! It strengthens us, helps our families go on! Each doughnut powers us! Our visions pick beings who have immense futures and Fates. They tell us where to appear so we may plant our well. After the being eats the pastry, the energy is converted into a form where we may harvest it. "**

"Sooooo," Dib drawled, "basically, the doughnut just steals energy from the host and gives it to you guys. Like, you are just stealing your gas from people? They eat the doughnut and then you...oh...wait holy...your world is powered by-" Dib laughed, losing his words, shaking at the sudden realization.

Zim started laughing as well.

"Dookie!!!!" They both shouted.

Dib let out a wheeze. "Shit, holy shit. Why don't you use some other kind of way to power your world. Like, try nuclear power, wind, solar, anything but-"

"Dookie!" Zim roared, "Oh, that is just sad. Gross and sad. How do you go on?"

 **"Silence!"** Hissed Spoony. **"This is the way things are done and how they shall always be."** He tapped his non-existent chin. **"I sensed someone one ate the doughnut I just can't remember who my meaty human form sold it too."**

"Ooh, I'm great at mysteries." Dib said. "I can help. "

"Only if he lets us go first." Zim interjected. "We'll help you if you let us go."

 **"No!"** Hissed the monster. **"Help me find the Doughnut and** **_then_ ** **I'll release you!"**

It was risky. On one hand, Zim was pretty sure they could just simply wait until the monster's energy ran out. Zim could outlast this disgrace. By Irk, he could outlast Spoony's entire disgusting dookie powered people, but Dib...Zim knew his mate was tough, to a point, but not sure if he was up to spending months, years, or possibly a decade without food and water. Or access to a toilet. Zim had no interest in being stuck to his mate while Dib went such a long time without bathing.

Plus, Zim was getting worried about GIR being alone at home for too long. He imagined the robot trying to devour Margaret's Schnauzer again and didn't want to go through the hassle of having to clone yet another.

"Fine" Zim hissed."Ok, what's this vision you had. What did it show?"

Spoony continued to tap it's plate shaped face. **"It showed two souls. Two powerfully destined beingw. A Red soul and a Purple soul!"**

Zim's spooch clenched again then felt like it was going to melt and puddle into his feet. Red and Purple.

"Hmmmm," Dib said. "I guess it makes sense, we are wearing red and purple. But, hey, pretty sure we aren't the only ones to wear these clothes. Maybe it has a deeper meaning. What do you think Zim? Zim?"

"I know who ate the doughnut." Hissed Zim. 

"We'll go ahead and tell him!" Dib shouted.

 **"Tell me!!!”** Hissed Spoony. 

Zim thought a thought. It had been more than twenty years since he'd been banished to Earth, yet still his PAK pulsed and burned at the very thought of his...the tallest. 

**_You are small but with us you are tall._ **

**_Obey, invade, conquer, destroy, obey, invade, conquer, destroy, serve, serve, obey, obey-_ **

**"No words!"** Hissed Spoony and the tendrils began to exit that foul maw once more.

"No, no!" Screamed Zim. Not the nothing, anything but that nothing...

"Hey!" Dib, his Dib, shouted. "Don't you fucking dare! Give us a second!" Dib warned despite having no way to actually do anything. He leaned his head back against Zim's but gently this time. "Zim." He whispered, tearing Zim's mind free from a tangle of laughing, mocking voices, the thrill of being apart of the great and powerful army, and the swallowing panic brought by Void. "I'm yourDib right?" He was using that rare sincere voice Dib used only for Zim. The one he'd used when telling Zim about how terribly absent of a father Professor Membrane was while Zim moped in pile of cheese. The same tone Dib used to confess his attraction for Zim years later. 

After the Tallest had escaped the Florpus and sent _that_ message, Dib tackled Zim and explained to him the truth of the situation before Zim actually went back to his Tallest. He’d used that tone when he said: _"They'll deactivate you. Please, I need you to stay."_

It was the same voice Dib had said "I do" with at their bonding ceremony.

Zim licked his lips and tasted peanuts and peppermint. "What happens to the beings that you harvest?" Zim asked.

Spoony lifted his head high and that smile grew, tendrils retreating. **"It's not your problem."**

The Tallest were the Tallest. They could handle themselves. If not, well, they had a whole Armada and plenty of "proper" Irkens to protect them.

Dib, Gir, and Minimoose only had Zim.

"Ok, I'll tell you. We really don't have time for another spooky flashback. GIR has probably caught all the puppies and opened a new Crazy Taco."

 **"That works."** Said Spoony with a relieved sigh. **"I kinda can only do that trick once a night."**

Dib groaned.

"The current Tallest of Irk. They are named Red and Purple. I guess your skunk of a human puppet must've set up his shop with them today. Anyway, take the bracelet ."

 **"Ughhh, of course!"** Spoony hissed. **"Thank you for clearing this up. Really sorry about the misunderstanding."** With a flash of green, Spoony vanished.

All at once, the weird energy released both Zim and Dib and the two were-

Standing in the middle of …

The place was just as they had left it, a mess. Food splattered all over the adobe walls, bits of something hanging from the ceiling, tables smashed, plates shattered. The sniveling human food service drones must have fled. Only Dib and Zim remained.

No, nevermind. Gaz and her girlfriend we're both standing on the table, a dead Chupacabra underneath them. 

"Hey, loosers! Earth to loosers!" Gaz shouted. She held a baseball bat studded with spikes in one hand while the other was on her hip. Her pale blue dress blouse and black slacks were tattered in places and stained with either spicy sauce or Chupacabra juices. "Dorks, can't handle shit."

Gaz's girlfriend, Kat, rolled her eyes and leapt down. She somehow managed this wearing heels and a long skirt. She flicked off a stray bit of something from her jacket and straightened the shirt underneath. "At least they can pay for our meal." Kat smirked, purple eyes slyly looking at Zim.

"No foul Earthslug I shall not-."

"GAZ, GAZ, YOU WON’T GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED!"

Kat let out a snort. “Doubtful.”

Gaz landed next to her, eyes open and glaring at Zim and Dib. Zim felt a jagged blade of fear jolt him in the base of his spine. "Yeah I can, one of your damn interview subjects just crashed our dinner and you two dumbasses just stood there staring and screaming at the floor while it happened." 

"No, no, that's not what- Dib frowned as he tried to remember. "We, we were eating yeah, then the Chupacabra attacked. By the way, I don't know _this_ Chupacabra, the one I interviewed had less spines and more fluff. Must've been her crazy ex-husband, you know, the one she told us about. Oh man, this is great! We should totally take it back home so we can stud-"

"Enough!" Zim barked. "Gazfriend, we were not standing around doing nothing. Some strange, crazy, dookie-." Zim stopped, eyes going wide. He couldn't remember. What had just happened? "We, we, we...were...eating and then the Chalupa attacked-"

"Chupacabra Zim! It's called a Chupacabra!!!" Dib groaned. “How many times have I told you?”. 

Zim coughed. Kat and Gaz were staring. "Eh, it was a test! Yes, we _did_ stand in the middle of the restaurant! We wanted to see how your new mate handled such a challenge, right Dibthing? This was my plan, of course, I could've _easily_ dispatched the Chupacabra." Zim laughed. "Such a creature is no match for Zim!"

"And the screaming?" Gaz asked. Kat was behind her, barely holding back laughter. "Was that a part of the test too?" She was looking at Dib.

"Uh...I have no idea what he's talking about." Dib said.

"Of course he doesn't, can't retain much in that big head if his," Zim laughed, "everything just sort of floats out. We were screaming, Love Pig, to distract Gaz and Kat, adding to the challenge."

Kat and Gaz shared a look. 

Dib threw up his hands. "That's not what happened! Gaz, look, please don't maim me, I swear there...there was something about a doughnut and-"

Zim pulled Dib close and kissed the side of his humans face. "Yes, yes, Dibhusband. Kat's reward for passing our great test was indeed a doughnut!" He chuckled. 

"Where is it?" Asked Kat. 

"Dib ate it." Zim answered with certainty.

"I didn't- Dib sputtered. "Oh! I recorded it, I know I did!" They all stood in silence for a second while Dib checked his glasses' video. A blank expression took over his face, defeat. "Of course, nothing but static." he sighed. “Oh, whatever.”

Kat roared with manic laughter. "Truly, how pathetic you both still are."

That laughter sounded familiar. But not really. Why would it be? Zim had never met this human named Kat before tonight. "Eh?" Zim fixed one of his eyes onto Gazfriend’s mate. Very pale skin, undercut dark blue hair…

Nope. Definitely had never even seen this Kat before. "Still? Ha!" Zim and Dib are no longer pathetic.” He frowned. “Wait.”

“Hey, we were never pathetic!” Dib shouted. “Your a jerk!” He yelled at Kat.

Gaz let out a sound that was almost a giggle which stopped both Zim and Dib from the sheer shock of the sound. She began to walk away, pulling the still laughing Kat along. "Clueless. Let’s just go get some pizza.”

Zim and Dib watched them leave. “Looks like they are happy.” Zim said.

“Good. I really didn’t want to fight her damn security dolls.” Dib took out his wallet and tossed some monnies on top of the table. “Want to drag this Chupacabra out to the curb? I’ll go get the car and we can load it up in the trunk.”

Zim rolled his eyes. “Yes but only because your weak, Earthsmelly body can’t possibly manage it yourself.” He bent down to grab the Chupacabra by its hind feet. He extended his PAK legs to gain more traction and leverage. The beast was actually quite heavy despite being so lean. Of course, Zim managed to drag the body easily. “Ugh, it reeks worse than you and, luckily for you, my outfit is already completely ruined.” 

Dib scoffed. “Thanks, love you too.” He stopped right before he opened the door. “On the way home I want to stop by the bakery, you know, that one by the pet store? All this talk of doughnuts really has made me crave one.”

Zim screeched a battle cry and swung the dead Chupacabra around to smack his mate. “NO CURSED PASTRIES!”

**Author's Note:**

> There's so much I want to say about this work but that would be thirteen more pages :)! I might add a bonus bit in the future. Thank you for reading!!!


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